We know that when God gives gifts to us, it is for His glory, not our own.  I am a writer by nature, and some have said that I have a gift with words.  However, because speech can also be used as a weapon… I have had a lifetime of practice fine-tuning my words, starting at an early age.  

My brothers and I were very close in age and we were often left alone at home due to circumstances from our parents’ divorce.  With one brother especially, the words that were easily accessible to me in the heat of arguments surprised and delighted me. My words were not coarse, but they felt cunning.  I specifically remember the feeling of triumph after winning an argument only to walk away with sadness. If I’d won with kindness, the hollow “win” would not have felt so sour.  

James referring to our speech, “The tongue:”  

“It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.  With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.  From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.”

~ James 3:8-10

While this may not be an absolute truth, I have found that most gifts are like beautifully fashioned double-edged swords.  Using our gift to glorify God is like the ornate handle… it is lovely, and fits perfectly in our hands as God designed.  The lower end of the sword, (when we use our talents to serve only ourselves) is sharp, and if we are not careful… can injure those around us.  As in the case above with my brother from long ago, I used the sharp end of the verbal sword.  My gift of words became like a weapon to the one I loved. 

I resolved to learn how to manage my speech.  

“Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”

~ Proverbs 13:3

The key to managing hurtful speech was simple, yet incredibly difficult at times:  I had to learn to be quiet. My test in deciding if I should speak in the heat of the moment: “Am I in control of my emotions and am I confident in this moment that I am loving my neighbor as much as myself?” Many times, the answer to this test has been a resounding “No.” 

Pausing my speech in heated moments protected the other person from verbal wounds I would certainly have regretted after emotions cooled. You may have seen the toothpaste illustration, yet I find it useful to revisit.  Words are like toothpaste.  Once toothpaste is out of the tube, there is no way to put it back.  Hurtful words are the same.  Once they are out, it is difficult to reverse the damage, because we cannot take them back.

“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!” 

~ Psalms 141:3

As a teenager in Georgia, we had a horse named Baby.  She was incredibly gentle.  In fact, she was so gentle that I was able to ride her bareback (without a saddle or blanket).  I learned the hard way though, that it was foolish to ride her without her bridle.  While she would allow me to steer to the left or right by tugging on her mane… when we got close to the barn, she would bolt like lightning to get back to her stall, and seemed deaf to my exhortations to slow down.  I came close to falling while she was running with full speed.  Without her bridle, my well-trained horse was a danger to me.  

“If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well.  Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs.  So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.  How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!”

~ James 3:3-5  

While communicating with those around us, we must be cautious if emotions are running higher than usual.  In James, he compares the tongue (our speech) to rudders of great ships, and small bits in the mouths of large horses.  Words wielded like swords wound deeper than we like to admit.   We should bridle our tongue, as I bridled my horse, recognize the role our speech plays in cutting down or building up, and stop blaming others for the way we react.

“If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.”  

~ James 1:26

Some of us struggle with the wrestle of words more than others, yet we all wrestle with something.  As Paul stated in 2 Corinthians 4, we are the jars of clay that hold His treasure.  If I pretend that I am a flawless masterpiece, I’m acting as if I am the treasure.  But if I admit that I struggle in this jar of clay, and ask God to be my Strength and Deliverer (Psalm 18:2), Christ’s light can shine through my broken earthen vessel! One of my favorite visuals for how Christ shines through our brokenness is Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold (pictured above). When I share with others my need for His grace and the lessons I have learned through His Word, He shines through my fractures and creates something beautiful in the process… which is even more precious than gold. 

Through Him I can:

• Speak freely about the wonders of God.  

• Share the wonderful things He has done in my life.  

• Without limit: praise Him, sing, and pray!

• Spread good things about people.  

• Lift up, encourage, and admonish with grace.  

• Be a beacon of hope to others.

• Use the lion-strength of my voice to advocate for those in need.

• Recognize the power in pausing my speech.

• Approach necessary conflict with prayer and self-control.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

~ Colossians 4:6

I have not attained perfection, but continue to practice reigning in my speech in times of high emotion. Seasoning our speech, we can maximize the blessings to others and minimize inflicting selfish pain, remembering that while pausing angry words, we are better equipped to listen!  With humility and patience, we can be a people who bless each other with love in our hearts, fully using the gifts God has given us to His glory.